Shakti Durga shares insights from questions she has been asked in recent mentoring classes online. If you have a question you’d like Shakti Durga to answer, you can leave a comment on her Facebook page. Or use the contact form on her website.
To Save a Marriage?
Q My marriage has entered the stage of isolation for a long time now. Although I have done a lot of work in accepting and forgiving, it doesn’t work. It has a lot to do with my husband’s family, they don’t want us to have the divorce. I’m not sure what is the right choice to make, and how to make this decision without hesitation and pull it through.
A It is always preferable to mend a relationship when possible. I would always advise several months of dedicated work to heal the relationship doing the meditations for healing relationship, having some healings, giving love, approval and acceptance to your inner child. Remember that to re-instigate intimacy is to have a discussion that is not just superficial, not just sniping at each other, but where we allow ourselves to be a little vulnerable and say how it really is for us. This gives our partner the opportunity to do the same. At this point in a relationship you have little to lose in trying this. Prepare first with at least 2 weeks of mediation and relationship healing as well as sending love.
But, if a relationship has been effectively dead for a long time, it can become impossible for both parties. Then, the work is to prepare for a transition in your relationship with your husband and his family, to a new form. The new form is that we are soul family, always will be, but something more like cousins instead of spouse.
We do all we can to ensure good relationships, and keep our side of the street clean. We also ensure that our vulnerable part of self is receiving a lot of reassurance, love and acceptance from our inner adult and parent.
If a marriage transitions to a friendship, our objective is that we move into a more comfortable, accepting and happy arrangement. Because this is soul family, it is short term thinking to imagine we can leave and not make everything as healed and clean as can be. We will just re-incarnate to do it all again! Whether we stay or leave, we need to work on peace, friendship and good will towards each other.
With extended family, it can be very hard for the family to accept a divorce because they get very upset and frightened about what is happening. The best thing is to send love every day to the entire family and to the marriage, and ask your higher soul to guide you so that the steps that must be taken are all taken at the highest vibration. During daily meditation, speak kindly to all the family members, letting them know that you have both tried your best but it is not working, but you will always respect them and thank them for all that they have done.
Intend that, after the change is made, everyone is happier than before, and a friendship of some kind is able to exist between the family and the parties to the marriage. With consistency of aim and effort with the inner work, such an outcome is possible.
I wish you well in your decision making and pray that you will make the decision that is in full alignment with your Higher Soul and the highest and best choice for all concerned.