Learning through Disagreement

by | 13 Jan, 2023

There will be times we find ourselves in disagreements.  Here’s how to use those disagreements and to learn from them in a positive way.

The quality of loving can be present even in the face of disagreement, and is evident by the tone used, the body language and the attitude of “where will we go from here?”. We are not going to agree with everyone, and not everyone will agree on everything with us. Even when we have to walk away it can be done with dignity, there are tools to clean up the situation and to let go in a healthy way.

Sometimes we are faced with interpersonal relationship issues that we have not experienced before. People have ideas or behaviours, expectations or demands that don’t feel comfortable, and perhaps we feel we are a bit out of our depth at that moment. The first response is that either; you must be right or I am right. A more considered response is to see what I can learn from the interaction, and from a place of enhanced consciousness, see if there is a way in which perhaps we are both partly right, and can both stretch into a more resonant outcome.

When I feel confused about how to respond in a difficult situation, I find time to meditate. I enter into the inner landscape, where deep inside there is peace and spaciousness. Then, I gently bring my mind to the situation, and wait patiently. If my mind wanders off, I bring it back, and focus beyond the current issue or on my breath. At times I experience a burst of information or knowing, that gives me a perspective I may not have thought of. If nothing else, I feel calmer, more in my centre and thus more able to deal with the situation.

Instead of being focussed upon the actual issue being addressed, I also widen my lens to look at the broader issue of the ‘me’ who is experiencing this situation. Running the situation through my heart I see if I can find any way to become more spacious myself in the situation. Can I catch my own justifications or aggressive response and transmute it? Can I find something of use in the perspective of the other person, even when their overall presentation does not resonate with me? Usually, the answer is yes. There is usually something that I can learn from. It is sometimes a factual matter, and sometimes it is to do with how to be more diligent with certain spiritual skills.

Being able to hold space, have patience, acceptance, being more compassionate, all of these are golden opportunities. Whereas the mind wants to divide and analyse, the heart wants to unify and synthesise. Through heart-centred communication we can find ways to build bridges from one mind set to another, in circumstances where words alone could not.

When the heart is engaged, we have greater connection to our higher soul, and to a consciousness that is way more expanded than we find in the conscious mind. Tapping into this treasury of wisdom can even make us glad we had an interaction which might have been uncomfortable at first, and took us outside of our emotional comfort zone. The process of coming to a greater comprehension of options and possibilities through using the entire self rather than just the conscious mind is an exciting and creative way to live.

My daughter Gayatri is teaching Conflict to Connection in January 2023 where you will learn how to deal with and communicate in conflict and upgrade and heal your most difficult relationship. Click here for full details and to book.

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